Putting it all out there

WARNING: This post is extremely whiny and contains cuss words.
This is my mindset right now. You’ve been warned.

I knew when I started this journey that it would be hard. But I kept reminding myself throughout the last 13 months that it would be worth it. Seeing my goal weight on the scale would be worth the frustration, the cravings, the binging, the getting-back-on-the-wagon, the exercising, the doubts, the highs, the lows etc. Don’t get me wrong! I think it still is. I’m proud of the 50+ lbs I’ve lost already. I NEVER wanna go back to FAT CLARA. Slightly overweight-almost-normal-BMI Clara is WAY better.

But I’d be lying if I said that this past week has made me start to doubt it… just a little.

I feel so close yet so far.

One of my Weight Watcher friends, Liz, posted a link to an article, How Can I Stop My Weight Loss Self-Sabotage, and 2 days later I’m still thinking about how to answer the first question.

“What has to be true in your life in order for you to sabotage your weight loss efforts?”

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

– When I see a new low on the scale, I subconsciously give myself permission to slack. It’s almost like if I see a gain next time I’ll know why. Something safe in guaranteed failure??

– The negative voice in my head keeps telling me that it’s been SO long that I’ll just never get there so my attitude changes from “IT’S WORTH IT!” to “EFF.THIS.SH*T”.

– I compare my weight loss journey to others and my success doesn’t measure up to their success and my “failure” turns into me eating comfort food.

– I’m a time frame girl. At first I thought I could reach my goal in 6 months, then it changed to 9 months and now 13 months later I’m still not there. If my weight loss journey was a credit card bill, I’d be paying late fees by now.

– I’m scared to reach my goal. But I really don’t know why… I want to be skinny! I want to be “normal” and not “obese”. I want to feel confident wearing everything in my closet. I want to look good naked. So why am I scared?? Right now this is a rhetorical question.

I talked with my WW leader this morning about my frustration and we decided that I should try to eat only 29DPs per day this week (no WPs or APs) to see if it gives my weight loss a jump start. I have another WW friend that only ate her DPs and lost 60 lbs in 6 months! If it worked for her, maybe it would work for these last 10 lbs for me.

But I just tracked my points for today and I went over by 13 points. *smacks head*

#FAIL.

I need a swift kick in the arse. Any takers?

*bending over*

In doggy-on-a-diet news. Dorra has lost 5 lbs!

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2 responses

  1. Clara, don’t let the 13 WPs today derail you. Just start tomorrow planning to have just DPs for the rest of the week. It’s ok to slip up as long as you don’t let it continue and you know that. I do that to myself so I know it’s a slippery slope. You tell yourself that you didn’t do what you had planned so you put up the white flag for the week but don’t do it. No kick in the ass is needed. You know what you need to do, you just have to do it. Now, you and I need to put on our big girl panties and do what we need to do (just eat our DP’s for the rest of our week). I’m in the same boat as you by the way (except for the being close to goal part). I had planned to just eat DPs for the week and already let that slide tonight. I can’t do anything about today. I can only do it different tomorrow. Hugs :)

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